Here is the ultimate swear word substitution guide for new parents & grandparents.
It all began like this: Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away called Brooklyn there lived a teenager who never used foul language. Then she fell in with a bad crowd who mocked her for her pure speech. What was a poor girl to do? Yep, thus started the era of swearing like a sailor.
Time passed and the teenager grew up, got married and had children of her own. The cursing came to an abrupt stop, never to return again until those children grew up and started using those forbidden words.
Enter the grandson. All swear words must now be abandoned. We have found, however, a need to come up with substitutes. I have decided to share this – the ultimate substitution guide:
|Bad Word||Cleaned Up Word||Usage|
|Damn||dagnabbit||Dagnabbit! I think I left the oven on.|
|Idiot||Scolapasta (pronounced school-a basta) It actually means colander but sounds like it means something bad.||That scholapasta is driving down the block the wrong way again!|
|Hell||Tarnation (also acceptable: Hades)||What in tarnation are you doing?|
|Ass||rat's bottom||Stop acting like a rat's bottom.|
|$h!t||buffalo turd||I don't give a hot buffalo turd what you think!|
|Shut up||Chiudi la bocca (same words, just a different language.)||Chiudi la bocca or I'll have to smack you upside the head.|
|Son of a b!t(h||son of a banana peel (also acceptable: son of a gun)||That son of a banana peel just side-swiped my car!|
|bat out of hell||nuns on steroids||That car took that turn like a bunch of nuns on steroids|
Please note: some words were left off this list, especially the ones I consider so foul that I never say them. Feel free to use any of the above words as substitutions for those words. And feel free to leave a comment with your own favorite substitutions. Maybe one day we can make a new, improved list!