No, I am not having one. I do, however, have a whole lot of questions about the whole thing. Since I’m not having one, I suspect that’s why I have questions. Otherwise I expect I’d know the answers.
For instance, should I be having one? Is there something wrong with me because I haven’t had one? (Wait. That’s not a fair question. Everyone knows there’s something wrong with me.) Am I just a late starter and will a midlife crisis suddenly sneak up on me? What if I already had it but missed it entirely because I didn’t know I was having it? If I don’t have one until I’m 70, does it still count as a ‘midlife crisis’ or will it then be called a ‘late-life crisis’?
You see? Tons of questions. I just don’t get the whole thing. I don’t need to find myself. I already know where I am. I’m right here in the den/office sitting in front of the computer.
What if we break down the phrase? Maybe that will make it easier to understand. Let’s see: midlife. Well it’s the middle of your life, right? On the other hand, how do you truly know you’re at the middle until you get to the end? If I had suddenly kicked the bucket at 30, that would mean midlife for me would have been at 15 and how the heck would I have known that at 15? And I certainly can’t be at midlife now because that would mean I have to live to be 100 and quite frankly, I’m really not sure I want to get that old.
Forget figuring out the ‘midlife’ part and let’s move on to ‘crisis.’ Now why is it called a crisis, anyway? A crisis is a big emergency. Is redefining yourself an emergency? Will people’s lives hang in the balance while you’re having a midlife crisis? I guess maybe that’s possible but I don’t think it’s likely. Personally any of my crises involve losing Internet access or running out of coffee or not having any snacks in the house. Now those are true emergencies.
I propose we rename the phrase. Don’t ask me what we’d rename it to. I have no idea. Hey I just come up with the big ideas. Let others work on the details.
Well, Monk, I’ve never been one to have all the answers…BWAHAHAHA!…but I do have some thoughts. Now there’s a shock. Just a couple, though.
First, if you have a midlife crisis at 70, it’s no longer a midlife crisis. I think, at that age, it’s called dementia. But what do I know for sure.
Second, it’s only a CRISIS if it’s happening to a man. Because we all know EVERYTHING is so much worse when it happens to them. Colds. Flu. YOU popped a couple of watermelon-headed kids out your hooha? Well HE stubbed his toe. REALLY, REALLY BAD.
And that’s all I know of the midlife crisis issue. Because I, rather than trying to find myself, keep trying to lose myself. Like, about 75 lbs. worth!
See, between the two of us, we got it all figured out. It’s not rocket science!
We could call it midlife f&*& up because that’s usually what men do to their lives when they have a midlife crisis.