Yes, you read it right. Not “Holiday Tree” lighting. Christmas tree – because that’s what is in my house. And guess what? If any of my Jewish friends or any other non-Christian friends were to walk into my house, they wouldn’t be offended by the fact that I am calling it a Christmas tree. This is because I don’t hang around with politically correct word police. So there.
Oh, no. Now if anyone wandered onto my blog, they will think I am being non inclusive and they won’t ever come back here again. Bahahahahaha!!!! My evil plan is working. I have evicted all the Christmas hating fanatics from my blog. Hmmm… come to think of it, I don’t think I have any of those people reading my blog so I guess I didn’t lose anyone this time around.
Getting back to the grand lighting. Yes, we did it just like in Rockefeller Center. All the lights were draped around the tree and then we had a count down. No, wait. There was an episode first. Theresa informed me that the star was crooked.
“Not to worry!” I exclaimed. “I will fix it!” I climbed up on the step stool and took hold of the crooked star. It then exploded in my hands. Well it didn’t exactly explode but that sounds so much more dramatic than simply saying it fell apart. “Oops. I don’t think it was supposed to do that.”
“Lucky thing I got it all on video,” Theresa informs me. No doubt she’ll be uploading it to Facebook, the evil child. That’s what I get for letting her use my camera.
I managed to fix the star because there was no way I was going to head out to the store to buy a new one. If I need to scotch tape a damn flashlight to it, we’d be using that star.
After carefully putting the crooked star back, I jumped down. “Okay, now count down!” I ordered Frank & Theresa. They just looked at me. “Hey, I’m not lighting the tree without a proper count down.” Reluctantly, they started counting down. At the proper moment, I hit the switch and then clapped wildly. They joined in, swayed by my enthusiasm. All this and I didn’t even drink any alcoholic beverages while all this was going on. Somehow I didn’t think it would be wise to drink spiked eggnog while climbing on step stools.
