Monkling’s Blog

My 15 minutes of fame have to be divided up into 2 separate incidents. Technically it was the first one that got me the attention. The second, luckily, went pretty much unnoticed.

A bit over 3 years ago, I wrote an article that was published in our diocesan newspaper. If you want to be bothered reading it, you can click on that link & it’ll open in a new window.

(If you read it, you will notice a couple of things have been cut from it like oh… my last name, our parish, where my son attended school at the time and my photo. Deal with it. You’re not gonna get to see that photo of me. Not ever. It’s a horrible photo and I look like my mother. Not that that’s a bad thing except I don’t want to look 20 years older than I am.)

The article was a result of me feeling the need to educate people after seeing the reactions I would receive when I told people my son was in the seminary. Oddly, I found that people of other faiths seemed more positive than Catholics. I have no clue why that would be the case but this blog is not about serious things (usually, anyway) so we won’t discuss that.

You wouldn’t think so many people read a local diocesan newspaper, would you? It seems people do. Lots of people. I heard that they had a copy of the article hanging up in the high school Steve had graduated from a year & a half earlier. It was passed around the seminary. I even got a letter from the principal of Theresa’s high school praising the article.

That was all pretty cool. Up until The Phone Call. It was a scary phone call (not in a threatening way) and it was a direct result of having written that article.

Tomorrow - the other 7 1/2 minutes.

Share This

I am now on the sh!+ list of every disabled person in the tri-state area. It wasn’t my fault, though. Really. Frank & I went away for a couple of days because who can turn down an offer for a free room for 2 nights and tickets to a show? Every few months, the Tropicana tries to get us to do more than gamble $20 a pop so they keep trying to lure us there in hopes we will spend thousands of dollars gambling. What they don’t know is that won’t ever happen but don’t tell them that.

Anyhow, getting back to the bad karma story, it’s like this. Last night we went to see this Australian motown group called Human Nature. After the show, we headed for the elevators to go up to our room. We’re in this elevator bank that has glass on one side, which, in spite of being afraid of heights, I find really cool (which has absolutely nothing to do with the story).

As we’re standing in the elevator with another couple, we hear someone call out to hold the elevator. A disabled woman on one of those scooters is heading our way. I’m closest to the buttons so I quickly hit the button to hold the doors opened. Only I hit the button to close the doors by mistake. Realizing my error, I repeatedly hit the correct button except it’s too late.

I am sure the woman was cursing me out, swearing that if she spotted me on the casino floor, she would run me down. You know those cameras all over the place where the casino security people watch you? They saw what transpired, as well, and put the word out to their people, “That’s the bitch who closed the elevator on the poor, handicapped woman. If you see her coming, make sure she loses.” Yep, word spread quickly. I’m pretty certain I’m on one of those wanted posters, too.

Share This

Apparently it’s true - everyone does get 15 minutes of fame. Unfortunately I don’t have time today to go into the story. So why bother with this title? Because it’s a reminder for myself of what I have to write about here: my moment of fame. It will not, however, include video clips.

Also, stay tuned for a contest. This one will have actual prizes, not uh… joke prizes. It will take place in March to celebrate one entire year of blogging. Yes, that’s right - the lucky winner could be you.

Share This

I know with it being Lent & all, you’re not supposed to use “Allelluia” but my sister said today is a special occasion, sort of like a feast day or something so it’s allowed. Janet is finally home! I’m pretty certain that when she walked in her front door, she kissed the ground. I sure hope Jim vacuumed first.

In other news, my stupid email is being delayed by hours. Not that I ever really get much email, much less important email but how much do you want to bet that now, while it’s sort of down, I’ll get something important. Oops, I mean I won’t get the important email.

Yeah, I can just picture it. Some long lost relative probably sent me an email today saying, “Our rich uncle died and left you 2 million dollars. If we don’t hear from you by 3 p.m. today, we will assume you are not interested in the money & give it to someone else.”

Hey, it could happen!

Share This

I was unable to post until now because I’ve been very busy today. You see - my coffee brewer died. It was an ugly death. There were gasping sounds. There was steam attempting to burn me. Having newly honed skills in dodging bad guys from playing video games (I’m sure I’ll be posting about that) I was able to duck the vapors of death.

Then I had to drag my poor husband out to buy a new coffee maker. Okay, I didn’t really have to drag him out because the guy is a sweetheart and doesn’t mind stuff like that. He even mistakenly thought I said I might want to stop in Bath & Body Works (what I said was Bed, Bath & Beyond) and said he wouldn’t mind that because the store smells nice.

Anyhow, getting back to my story, so there we are in the store looking at coffee makers. I did not want to spend $35,259 on a coffee maker. On the other hand, the last purchase which was about $5 obviously was a mistake. Ah, to find that balance between being cheap and going for top of the line!

We looked at the shelves of coffee makers. I immediately marked off the ones I would not buy. “What does that hold? No way does it make 8 cups unless we’re talking demitasse.” Finally I found one that would make a decent amount of coffee, capable of caffeinating the entire family.

Now I want y’all to take a look at this (& thank you, my Southern friends for pointing out the proper spelling of that word):

It’s going to take me a week to learn how to use this thing! And what is up with the clock? Didn’t they ever hear of digital??

Share This

Both of my kids have spring break coming up in March. Neither of them has the same time period off. I believe this was a plot cooked up by both universities for the sole purpose of making sure I need to worry for 2 consecutive weeks rather than getting all my worrying over with in 1 week.

Theresa is going off to Florida with 7 or 8 other girls. I’m not really too worried about her because she has shown me that she is pretty responsible. It is, however, the first time she is going away for an entire week with no adult supervision. On one hand, she goes away to school so it’s not like she’s exactly under the watchful eye of anyone but, if you have kids, you know I will have to worry somewhat.

Stephen has decided he wants to add to his world travel resume. So far he has been to Italy, France, Spain, Portugal, Germany and Israel. For spring break he and a few other seminarians have decided it would be great fun to go on a missionary trip to a Third World Country.

Initially he didn’t want to tell me where he was going until after the fact. Wise boy that he is, he decided this would not be a good idea. His intent was good - he didn’t want me worrying about the fact that he was going into a dangerous third world country. He then realized he had more to fear from me than his travels if I found out he didn’t tell me.

In other news, we think my sister will finally be getting out of the hospital early this coming week.

Share This

It’s falling down. Actually it fell. See this?

This is not supposed to be on the desk. It is supposed to be in my mouth. It’s not enough that I had to have a failed implant removed and get a bone graft. No, that’s not nearly enough fun. So today when I was eating lunch, the whole bridge decided to fall down.

Did I mention my dentist took this week off for winter recess? (Schools around here are closed this week.) This means I have to dig out my car and drive in the sleet and snow to the on-call dentist so he can glue the bridge back in.

Can’t I just use crazy glue?

Share This

I will admit it was my own fault. I know better. A person does not go to the supermarket at 6 p.m. on a weekday and expect it to be anything but chaotic. It seems everyone around here does not think about dinner until they are on their way home from work, at which time they suddenly realize, “Hey! I have nothing for dinner!” and they run into the store for supplies.

The timing, however, was not my only mistake nor the biggest one. You see, there is snow and sleet in the forecast for the next 2 days. Now remember that I live in New York City. One does not generally get snowed in around here. Ah, but that doesn’t matter. If there is snow in the forecast, everyone runs out to the store and buys enough supplies to carry them through the rest of the winter. Seriously - they had those shopping carts piled high with enough milk and bread to feed an entire third world nation.

Naturally you must be wondering what kind of fool am I to even attempt to go to the supermarket under such conditions. Well it’s like this - I had a contractor here from 9 a.m. until 5:30 p.m. putting a new vanity in the bathroom so I was homebound until then. Ah, but now you are thinking, “What was so important that you had to go out immediately?”

Let me tell ya, this was important and it was something that couldn’t wait until the morning. It was half & half. I need it for my coffee in the morning and I cannot go out to the store in the morning before I have had my coffee. Therefore I was left with no choice but to brave the crowds and fight those little old ladies for that last container of half & half!

Share This

My son is being kidnapped and taken over 4,000 miles away from me. Well he hasn’t been kidnapped yet. Not until July. And since he’s going to be 23 in June, I suppose he doesn’t really count as a kid. And since he’s going of his own free will…. okay, fine. He’s not actually being kidnapped. But they’re still taking my baby away.

Our diocese has decided they want Stephen sent to Rome to study for the next 4 years. I’ve known it was a possibility for a couple of years now. A few months ago I knew that it was a pretty sure thing but it just became official this week. It is a great honor and I am happy but… I’m not happy that he will be so far away for so long.

The first thing I did was pull out my passport to see when it expires. It seems I’m good for a year. (Note to self: start saving up for those trips to Rome.)

Next, I started researching webcams. I informed my son that our #1 priority was to get a webcam so we can video conference while he’s away. He laughed.

“Uh, Ma, that is so not the #1 priority. The most important thing we have to do is get a slingbox so I can watch American TV while I’m there.”

This also means I really need to learn Italian. I know my son. He picks up languages very easily and he will start saying things about me in Italian, knowing I won’t understand a word. Therefore, I have to make sure I do understand what he’s saying. This, however, poses a bit of a problem. Unlike my son, I do not learn languages easily.

I never was a terrific student. I’m a tactile learner so, while I did okay in school, I never did well. I always managed to pass all my classes - except for Italian. I had Italian in junior high and high school. It is the only subject I ever failed in my entire life.

I see many opportunities coming up for my son to tease me. But that’s okay. I still remember how to say, “I’m going to kill you,” in Greek and he won’t understand me if I say that to him. That’ll teach him! Oh, wait. He took Greek last year. Curses! Foiled again!

Share This

Here are some more things you can buy that special couple:

Homer Bubble Bath
You won’t need candles to have a romantic bath with Homer Simpson’s bubble bath. The lime green bubbles will cast a soft radioactive-like glow.

Elvis Wall Clock
For the Elvis lover in your life, how about a talking Elvis wall clock? His sexy voice is sure to set the right mood.

Nesting Clowns
Forget about those Russian nesting dolls. Get something completely
different - these nesting evil clowns. This is a true collector’s item.

Love Gun
This love gun shoots little cupids into the air. What says, “I love you” better than getting shot with a cupid?

Share This