This evening’s adventure at the nursing home was pretty amusing. Well, to me, it was. I don’t think my sister in-law found it quite as funny. Theresa said she’d have been upset. But I’m strange.
Frank & I arrived there at around 5 p.m. and his mom asked for some water. There was 1 slight problem. Her water pitcher was missing. Frank peeked around the curtain and saw 2 pitchers on the table of MIL’s roommate. Now this was strange because Mrs. Crank is not supposed to be drinking water. Not only that but the woman can’t get out of bed, nor can my MIL so how did the 2 water pitchers end up on her table? Rather than disturb the other woman, Frank went out and brought back some ice and water for mom.
You may be wondering why I referred to MIL’s roomate as cranky. That would have to do with the fact that the woman is always complaining about something: MIL has the window opened too much, MIL’s TV is too loud and Mrs. Crank is trying to sleep (at noon). There’s always something for her to complain about. Tonight, however, she really went off the deep end.
5 p.m. is dinner time at the nursing home. They come around with the trays and we try to be there because MIL still can’t use her left arm so she needs help to cut her food. We’re there with her when we hear Mrs. Crank yelling. “I’ve been telling you to leave for 2 hours now. Get out of here!”
No one is there besides us and we were barely there for 15 minutes. We have no idea why she suddenly wants us out of there but we just ignore her because clearly she’s confused. Then she starts yelling that she doesn’t want any dinner.
By this time Frank’s sister has arrived and is wondering what the heck is going on. We hear crashing from the other side of the curtain. Mrs. Crank has thrown her tray on the floor. Frank heads outside to let a nurse know what’s going on. My SIL & I are both looking at each other in horror, wondering if she will throw something at Frank as he’s walking by but he escapes without harm. I’m busy being very grateful that the curtain goes all the way to the ceiling because I’m certain if it didn’t, stuff would be sailing over it.
A nurse comes in to clean up the mess and Mrs. Crank is yelling about how she wants us to leave. Apparently we’re drinking and using illicit drugs. Then she asks for the phone because she wants to dial 911 and get the cops in there to kick us out.
Now maybe I should have found this more upsetting than funny but I’m sorry. The idea that we were partying over there on the other side of that curtain, doing drugs, drinking and taking advantage of her (I’m still not quite sure what she meant by that one!) was amusing. Besides, in my opinion, it’s much better to laugh off an incident like that than take it seriously and be upset by it.
So there you have it. Frank and I are drug addicts, drunks and we take advantage of old, disabled people and if she had been 20 and beautiful, we wouldn’t have been behaving like that. (Hey, that’s what she said.)
BWAHAHAHA…I just…I just…BWAHAHAHA. I am absolutely certain a lightening bolt is going to come streaking out of the sky and strike me down for finding this incredibly funny. I should have known that y’all were up to no good over at that nursing home; why else would you be going over there so much!
I personally think you should just consider yourself lucky, Missy! If she would have called 911, just think of all the trouble you would have been in. You dodged the bullet this time, but you and Frank and all the rest of your drunken, druggy sexually perverted cohorts had better be more careful from now on! And I would imagine that your MIL is the big linchpin of this whole sordid mess!! 
p.s. I just keep liking you more and more…
When I was a teenager I was a volunteer in a nursing home. One day a new patient came in and the nurses warned me that she was a little grumpy. I walked in to welcome her and she screamed “you bitch, you’ve been sleeping with my husband.” I found out later her husband had been dead for about 20 years and I was 15. It was so funny at the time but I couldn’t help wondering what she had to put up with when he was alive. I spent about a week trying different things to calm her down and finally figured out the secret. I walked in one day and she screamed at me about sleeping with her husband and threw a plant at me. I looked at her and said ” I am so sorry, he told me he wasn’t married, I wouldn’t have done it if I had known.” She started crying and hugging me and said “I know sweetie he was just like that, don’t let him around you again.” I had to play the same game every time I went in to do something for her but it worked.
One of my sorority sisters said recently that her son’s favorite expression is “I reject your reality and replace it with my own.” That Mrs. Crank sounds like a fun gal to have around. I’ll have what she’s having.
It 10:38…are you sleeping off your party last night?
Where am I? Who am I? How did I get here?
Kinda late, but I find that funny too. When I worked in the hospital there was an Alzheimer’s patient that was biting nurses and being very mean. I was the only person he would let close to him. He thought I was a member of his road crew and let me do all his care while he asked me how construction was going. You just never know where their minds will end up.