Monkling’s Blog

When Frank came home from work one day this week, there was a suspicious stain on the collar of his shirt:

There was a big meeting at work that day. He had to go to the downtown office to give a presentation. Unlike myself, he doesn’t really have a problem talking in front of people. At least that used to be the case until he was afflicted with what he refers to as his “condition.” That’s because stress intensifies the tremors in his right arm and even the most seasoned speaker is going to be somewhat anxious before a presentation.

There was a surprise waiting for him, though - a podium. That instantly put him at ease because he could hide his arm behind it and, as a result, he was so relaxed, he didn’t shake at all.

Out of the 3 people giving presentations, everyone said his was the best. They swamped him afterwards. Undoubtedly, the women were throwing themselves all over him and got their make-up and lipstick all over the collar of his shirt. Those hussies!

Okay, that last part isn’t true. The real story about the pink on his shirt is that he wore a tie to work. Usually he doesn’t. That was the day we had a deluge of rain. It was so bad, it messed up mass transit, took down trees, caused blackouts and flooded streets all over the city. By the time he arrived home, he was soaked and the dye from the tie got on his shirt. Now doesn’t the truth sound boring?

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Do you remember these guys?

These are Dixie & Pixie. Mr. Jinks, the cat, wanted to uh, well I guess eat them and he’d always say, “I hate meeses to pieces.” Well it seems I have turned into Mrs. Jinks and there is likely to be a broken wall in my kitchen soon.

Every few years we get a mouse or 2 in the house. We have no idea how the disgusting rodents get in but considering we always end up catching them in the attic, I suspect they scale the chimney. They then somehow make their way down into the wall between the kitchen and the living room. It always follows this same pattern. They never get in the house (& I am counting my blessings on that one!) but they always head straight for that same wall.

This morning I was minding my own business, having breakfast when I heard it. That unmistakable scratching sound in the wall. I kicked the wall to shut him up but 5 minutes later, he was back again. The sound is driving me crazy and the stupid thing is either too dumb or too smart to go back up in the attic where there is a nice tasty peanut butter sandwich waiting for him.

Since the only way I can actually catch him is if he goes up to the attic, I am constantly kicking the wall, hoping to scare him. If he doesn’t scare himself back up there soon, there will be a nice hole in the wall.

Did I mention I despise rodents? I guess I’m not meant for the country life after all.

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When we left off yesterday, I was lying in a hospital bed drugged up on morphine with a 4 inch incision down my stomach. The good drugs were only for Day 1 so by Day 2, the reality of having been sliced up began to hit. On top of that, I couldn’t hold my son because he had the nerve to decide to be born a month early. You’d think the least he could do is be healthy but no; his lungs weren’t developed enough.

So there I am, lying in that hospital, feeling sorry for myself. Frank arrives and that makes things a bit better. Then, within minutes, the phone rings. It’s my father, calling from my house.

Dad: “You know that button in the kitchen?”
Me: “What button?” We had only moved into the house a month earlier & I was still working at the time so I hadn’t spent a heck of a lot of time actually in the house.
Dad: “The one that says Emergency.”
Me: “What about it?”
Dad: “Well I was wondering what it did so I pressed it.”
Me: “You what?!?! That’s the panic button for the alarm.”
Dad: “I noticed.”

The hospital was 20 minutes from home. Frank made the drive home in 10. Before he even got in the house, he was greeted by a neighbor 2 doors down who told Frank he was about to call the police. I can only imagine the phone call I would have gotten if it took Frank the full 20 minutes to drive home.

Mom: “Your father is in jail. I need Frank to help me bail him out. Let’s just hope there aren’t any buttons to press in the jail cell.”

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At this time, 22 years ago, I was drugged up on morphine after an emergency c-section only I had no idea they had given me that. I guess that would explain why it was difficult for me to talk without slurring when I was calling people to tell them Stephen was born. You’d think between being in labor for over 24 hours and the drugs, I’d have been knocked out but I guess the excitement beat out the exhaustion.

This is Steve on his first day of nursery school:

Ah, the good old days when I was bigger and stronger than him! Seriously, I do know how blessed I am to have a good relationship with both my children & they really are good kids. We have a lot of fun.

Hmmm…. that reminds me. I guess I better go get into the hot car and at least have a birthday cake here for him when he gets home from work. I’d make one except there’s no way that oven is getting turned on with no A/C.

Tomorrow I will post the story of, “What Does This Button Do?”

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It’s over 90 degrees, sticky and guess who still doesn’t have a working air conditioner downstairs. I need a nice iceberg to sit on. That would work nicely. I did get to spend some of the day in the car, which does have air conditioning, so running errands wasn’t too horrible.

The first thing on my list of outdoor stuff was to meet my sister who had an appointment. I parked in the back of the building. Funny, it doesn’t look like a medical building, but it is the right address. There doesn’t seem to be an entrance in the back, which I think is odd for a medical building but hey, who am I to dictate how a building should look. I walk around to the front. Uh, something is definitely wrong here. I pull out my cell phone.

“Janet, is it #600?”
“That’s the address I have written down.”
“Well the address is wrong because this is a post office.” Turns out the building was across the street and my sister had written down the wrong address. I wonder if that’s where she sends payments to.

And on a total tangent, I plan on telling everyone, and that includes the cyberworld, how I was in labor 22 years ago today. Steve wasn’t actually born until the 27th but I want everyone to know just how many hours I was in labor for, until that emergency C-section. That’s his punishment for yesterday. Last night I walked up behind him and hugged him. He whirls around and says, “Try that again, punk!” I did but unfortunately he’s stronger than I am.

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I swear I am surrounded by the strangest people. When I looked out my bedroom window this morning, I saw my neighbors had pulled one of their car into the backyard. Now keep in mind, I grew up in Brooklyn. I’ve seen cars in yards before. Those cars were usually rusting pieces of junk. Or it was a family that had 5 cars but only 1 parking space. This, however, is a mystery:

The driveways on my block easily fit 3 cars. That’s not counting the parking space out front. The family next door consists of 3 people and 3 cars. So why is this car parked in the backyard?

Too bad the windows are tinted. Maybe someone is living in there. Or maybe they used the car in a robbery or it was involved in a hit & run and they are hiding the car from the cops.

I’ll have to see if I can come up with some more possibilities…

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I feel like there should be a drum roll or something. The number in parentheses is the number of people who guessed right on that title.

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain (4)
Dracula by Bram Stoker (6)
Tarzan of the Apes by Edgar Rice Burroughs (5)
The Sword in the Stone by T. H. White (2)
Gulliver’s Travels by Jonathan Swift (3)
The Man in the Iron Mask by Alexandre Dumas (3)

The winner, with all 6 correct titles is Peggy.
Second place goes to Katy with 5 right.

Click here to view the titles alongside the pictures.

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Less than an hour to go! So far, the number of contest entries is up by 500% over the first contest. Of course the first one only had 1 person who entered but hey, I’ve only been blogging since March so I’m happy that I’m up to 6 this time around.

We have only 1 person who got all 6 right and 1 who got 5 right.

Come on, people. Those of you who have not entered, the clock is running down! You’re not going to get another contest until the fall. Last chance…..

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We really did try. We walked all over The Village but didn’t see a single alien or abductee. Of course they may have blended in with the humans so well that we just didn’t notice them. The closest we came to seeing what may have been an alien was this:

This, however, was not an alien but a street performer down in the Seaport.

Let me go back a bit to the beginning of the day. We decided that this was the day we were going to walk across the Brooklyn Bridge. We started out on the Brooklyn side. Before attempting this, we wanted something to eat so we stood on line by Grimaldi’s to get some pizza. It’s supposed to be the best pizza in New York. In my opinion, that’s not really true but it is good. There’s always a line waiting to get in but, in our 2 experiences, it moves pretty quickly.

Then we started out on our trek across the bridge. As we made our way up the stairs and onto the walkway, I was surprised to see this:

They were not the only bride and groom on the bridge yesterday taking wedding pictures. In our 20 minute walk across, we saw 3 newly married couples. I never would have thought that the bridge was a popular photo spot for weddings.

We were able to see the Statue of Liberty to the south of the bridge. If I had my fancy camera, I’d have a better photo for you but you’ll have to settle for this one:

Yes, I will have to do the walk again, not give in to laziness and take the good camera with me. You would think I’d have learned my lesson the last time I chose the small camera over the good one. Apparently I am a very slow learner.

There’s a park beneath the bridge on the Brooklyn side where they were having some sort of concert or event. We could hear music and the park was packed with people:

If we had known about that beforehand, it would have been nice to check it out but there was no way I was going to walk all the way back down & then climb the stairs a second time. Did I mention I was lazy?

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Remember my prior discussion on the 7 deadly sins and my admission to having sloth high up on my list? Well I’m going to add a second one - anger. Yes, I have a bit of a temper. The good part about it is I don’t stay mad for very long & I don’t hold grudges.

If you’ve read the same sort of studies and articles as I have, you probably came to the same conclusions as I did - that anger is bad. We were always led to believe that when you’re angry, you shouldn’t make decisions because you’re likely to act rashly. I guess I better not ever make any decisions.

In some instances, I guess that’s true about speaking out of anger.

“Mom, I just broke your computer.”
“What?! You are grounded! You are banished to your room for the next 25 years.”

Any of us who have kids or who were kids, heard stuff like that; threats & punishments said in anger that you know aren’t going to stick. Besides, who is really being punished when you ground your kid - you or the kid. I vote for you since this means you won’t get a moment’s peace except when they’re in school. And if you homeschool, you’re really screwed. (One day we have to go into how much fun that is!)

But there is hope. A study done at the Univ. of CA makes the claim that anger isn’t all that horrible. They claim that you think clearer and more rationally when you’re mad. Yes!! Validation!

So next time you have an important decision to make - get someone to make you angry first.

In other news, our trip into the city was postponed. We will be going in today, instead. Hopefully I will be able to get some nice alien photos.

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