Monkling’s Blog

Today we decided to go for a walk since Spring finally seems to have arrived. I can tell because, besides it being warm out, I’ve started sneezing a lot.

There’s this path in Bayside that follows the Cross Island Parkway for about 3 miles. It runs from Northern Blvd. near Alley Pond Park to Bell Blvd. near Fort Totten. Sure you have the highway to your west but to the east you have water; Little Neck Bay, to be specific. If you keep your eyes averted from the parkway and just look at the water, you can pretend the sounds you hear are the roar of the ocean and not cars passing by.

We usually park on 35th Avenue in Bayside, right near Crocheron Park. (A little tip: you do not want to park in the lot by the marina just off the Cross Island. If you do, you will not find your car there when you get back unless you knew enough to get a parking permit. Your car will be towed. ) We then walk across the rickety wooden bridge.

As long as you don’t have a fear of heights or of walking over a highway, you’ll be fine. “Oh, did that board just move under my foot? Nah, must have been my imagination. I’ll just walk really, really fast over to the other side.” I wouldn’t advise walking across it barefoot, unless you enjoy having a splinter in your foot the size of a javelin.

We usually take a leisurely walk just past the marina and then turn back. As we walk along, we watch the people fishing (surely they don’t plan on eating anything they catch from that water, do they?), we’re entertained by retrievers swimming after sticks twice their body length, and we watch kayakers and sailboats. It’s all very pleasant. Except for the bikers.

Now I have no problem with people riding bikes - as long as they follow the rules and stay on their side. The nice park people have even drawn nice little green lines with pictures in case some bikers are illiterate:

I think the park people have done a fine job and that it’s quite clear which side the people should be walking on and which side the bikes & roller skates belong on. Unfortunately, it seems that if you are riding out in the hot sun, it must affect your brain or your vision (possibly both) and they get confused:

Either that or they’re just plain stupid. My personal opinion is that most of the world is just not all that bright. How else do you explain the fact that 40% of the people riding there are riding on the wrong side? I can only imagine these people behind the wheel of a car…

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With being injured and all, naturally it would have been so difficult to cook dinner. (Hey, if I have to be in pain, I’m gonna use it to my advantage!) Since it was just the 2 of us, I suggested that we go out to Luigi’s. Frank didn’t even hesitate to say yes.

One of the specials was Monkfish Rollatini. Now how could I pass on that?

I did question the wisdom of having something served with polenta since I already had that on Wednesday but polenta is practically the same as grits and we were just in Nashville so I guess I’m still in a Southern sort of mood.

Okay, I just looked up “monkfish” to see if it was 1 word or 2 and let me tell ya, that is one damn ugly looking fish!

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Anyone who knows me will be quite surprised to see me using the word “fashion” in any sense. On the other hand, seeing how I’m referring to elbows, not a usual body part one associates with fashion, I may have redeemed myself.

I have a tendency to do stupid things, like oh, let’s say mopping when I have a pretty bad case of tendinitis in my right elbow & forearm. Yes, I know it was a dumb thing to do but it’s already done so let’s not dwell on the past. It was a learning experience. I learned that if I plan on not being in pain any time in the future, I need to stop using my right arm and I need to go back to using the elbow brace.

I have 2 elbow braces. Both have their advantages and disadvantages. And they both make my elbow so stunningly attractive! Here is the blue, smelly one:

This is referred to as smelly because it’s made out of some weird smelling material. It makes my arm sweaty so it may now have other odors added to it. Also, since I am short and, thus, have short arms, it covers practically the entire arm.

Then there is the velcro® black elbow brace:

Since it doesn’t slip on like Smelly Blue Brace, I can wear it over a shirt, thus preventing Sweaty Arm Syndrome.

Being fashionable does have it’s price, though. I can’t stand wearing either of these braces. I don’t like wearing anything tight. I despise wearing dresses, not because I hate them but because they require one to wear stockings. Stockings annoy me. I do not like having my legs shoved into something that reminds me of sausage casings. Yet, here I am, forced to wear something tight around my arm. In all likelihood, I will need to do this for several weeks. This will, no doubt, make me cranky. Luckily, most of you will be spared having to deal with a cranky Monkling in person.

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Don’t get me wrong. I love my dog. There is no truer sign of unconditional love than a dog. But frankly, after 12 years of it, I am looking forward to those dog-less golden years of my old age. You cannot be spontaneous when you own a dog. You can’t just hop in the car, drive out to the North Fork and decide to stay overnight in a romantic little Bed & Breakfast. Thus, I sometimes will refer to those days I envision in the future.

There is a slight problem when referring to those times I foresee in my future. I can’t say, “Yeah, after the dog dies, we can do _____ (fill in the blank).” It just sounds cruel and heartless. I have come up with a much nicer phrase. When my father says, “You & Frank should join us one year for spring training,” I reply, “Yes, we would like that. After Nicky goes home to Jesus, we’ll be able to do that.” I think the line is so perfect that I decided to share it with my friend. Considering the fact that she’s Jewish, it will be a lot funnier if she were to use that phrase when referring to her own dog.

My husband seems skeptical that I can live without a dog. He thinks I will be hypnotized by some cute little puppy after Nicky has gone home to Jesus. He is in doubt of my ability to resist. I have, therefore, created a list. On this list are all the reasons why I do not want to own another dog. Currently there are 17 items on this list. I will not bore you with the entire list but let’s look into a couple of them:

1. Fleas - Ah, yes. The Supermen of the insect kingdom. Able to leap tall people in a single bound, disgusting bodies of steel making it impossible to crush them. Of course there are ways to combat this problem. For $25 a month, you can buy medications to control and prevent them. Or you can buy those exact same meds from your vet for $7,500 a month.

2. Fur - There is something magical about dog fur. It falls off your dog and then is capable of reaching the 4 corners of the Earth. It will go everywhere. If you have a fireproof safe in the attic that is never, ever opened, the dog fur will find it’s way in there. I think the fur is actually alive and walks around. Either that or the fleas are ferrying it around the house.

3. Skid Marks - Trust me. You do not want me to fully describe what this is. Use your imagination & you will probably be right.

4. Doggie Barf - There is nothing more fun and exciting then walking barefoot into the living room first thing in the morning and stepping into a nice warm pile of dog barf. Well, expect maybe dog poop.

5. Muddy Paw Prints - I’m sorry but I am not going to get little boots for my dog. Instead, I’ll just get to have a floor covered with these:

Doesn’t that seem like a lot of fun? Don’t you want to run out right now to get a dog so you, too, can have a floor that looks like this?

There is one item on the list that’s actually a good thing. It says that no other dog will match up to Nicky. He is a sweetheart - gentle, good temperament, smart, obedient. Any other dog we get, we’d compare to him. Someone (Gin? Pam?) once said something about the dog of a lifetime. This guy is it.

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I learned a few things yesterday. If you move from NY, even if you previously lived there for your entire life, when you come back to visit, you are officially a tourist. Suddenly you walk around with an enormous camera, snapping pictures of everything. You also go to landmarks and museums that you never went to for the 50+ years that you lived in NY. Just so Neala wouldn’t feel out of place, I took along my camera but mine isn’t nearly as fancy so I’m sorry but my poor blog readers will have to suffer through inferior photos.

Our first stop was Madame Tussaud’s. I had been there years ago but they change their exhibits so there was a lot of new stuff to see. One of the things I learned was that if you are a famous celebrity cook, your refrigerator isn’t filled with the usual stuff:

How many of you have a computer in your fridge?

We also got to see Superman and they have this really cool thing where your kids can lie down on this cushion in front of a green screen and they video tape them so it looks like they’re flying over the city. If I had small children and if I were rich, I would probably buy them each their very own DVD. Personally, I’d prefer if Superman got to fly alongside you.

We made a couple of other stops before dinner. One was FAO Schwarz. I still can’t help wondering who would buy an almost life-sized stuffed bison and what would they do with it. Maybe I don’t want to know the answer to that!

Then it was off to meet Frank and travel up to meet Dave at Kurio. There will be a restaurant review on Offbeat NY. I know this because notes were taken about everything we ate. I took a bunch of food pictures partly because it was fun and partly because of that Mojito I drank.

No, that is not a picture of the Mojito. That didn’t last long enough for a photo. This was an appetizer with tuna. The bartender/server/daughter of the owners (aka chefs) said they called it cooked sushi.

A little traveling tip - if you are traveling from midtown Manhattan to the Upper East Side during rush hour, it takes more than 15 minutes. Especially when you wait forever for 2 different trains. Dave ended up waiting for an hour for us to arrive. Luckily, the food made up for that.

Oh! And speaking of Offbeat New York, I’m famous! My blog is mentioned on the website.

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This is going to be a very short post because I have to go to sleep. I was busy all day today hanging out with important people like Neala and Batman.

I know you can’t tell in the photo but Batman is made out of Legos. More photos of famous people will follow tomorrow.

After famous people viewing, we went to Kurio where I proceeded to stuff my face with polenta lasagne with beef & sausage:

I am a bit sad that I did not have my camera at the ready to snap a picture of the big, bright orange mini van that passed by us with “Pet Chauffeur” written on the side.

A more thorough report will be made tomorrow.

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After a 3 hour delay yesterday and having to sit in the Nashville airport listening to CNN’s never-ending coverage of the Virginia Tech massacre, we finally got home.

One quick note about the horror in Virginia - having 2 kids away at college, I was literally sick over it. But after listening to the coverage for 4 straight hours, I wanted to take a gun myself and shoot the TV sets. Do news anchors have to take classes to learn how to ask dumb ass questions before they’re allowed to be on the air?? “How many bullets were fired?” Yeah, I’m sure everyone involved was sitting there counting so they could give you an accurate description & tell you exactly how many gun shots they heard.

Glad I got that off my chest. Moving on to the fun we had at the airport, we weren’t able to arrange for a car ahead of time since we had no idea when we would be taking off or landing. The second we were on the ground in NY, we called. Nothing was available. No car services at all. Okay, fine, we’ll just take one of those good old NYC taxi cabs. Ya’ll know ‘em. They’re lined up outside the airport and 99% of the drivers can barely speak English.

Now I do understand that they are not crazy about driving off to the outer boroughs. They only like going into Manhattan where they’re pretty certain to get another fare right away. We do tip well to make up for it. But if you’re a freaking taxi driver in NYC, shouldn’t you at least know the major highways?? Not only did this guy have no idea what the Grand Central Parkway was, he seemed to be barely familiar with the Long Island Expressway. Frank had to guide him the entire way. Then he had to give him directions back to the airport or to wherever it was he needed to go next. If anyone sees a lost yellow cab wandering around, that’s probably our taxi driver.

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Or, maybe Not Gone With The Wind. I found this really cool website (or not cool, depending on the information you end up finding there): www.fly.faa.gov. It shows you a little map of the US and you can see airport delays. Our flight out of Nashville will be on time. However, due to some wind situation in NY, our landing time may be delayed by as much as 2 1/2 hours. I guess that means we’ll be circling around NY for a while.

Okay, time to prepare! I guess we’ll just have to make sure we have plenty of food to take on board. I bet I’ll have no problem making a dinner of spicy Cajun potato chips & a chocolate protein bar. Seems like that covers the important food groups. The good news is we weren’t flying out of here yesterday when they ended up cancelling over 500 flights due to the weather.

Hey! Maybe some rich person will really need to get to NY today who had his flight cancelled yesterday. He unfortunately won’t own his own plane so he’ll be desperate for a seat on our flight, which is booked solid. He’ll offer us $20,000 for our seats & we’ll get to stay in Nashville an extra day. Yeah, that’s what’s gonna happen!

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Just like in The Little Mermaid. Last night after the show at the Grand Olde Opry, we went across the way to this restaurant called The Aquarium. Since the show was at 6:30 and we needed to be there at 6 to pick up the tickets, we had a really early dinner so we needed to go out for dessert and coffee after the show.

This place had an enormous aquarium in the middle of the place. It seems I don’t know as much about fish as I thought because I always thought they had to be constantly moving. Something about a constant flow of water in through their mouths & out their gills. There was this shark lying across a rock, just sitting there. Okay, not sitting. Fish don’t sit unless they’re cartoon fish. We found out this was normal behavior for that sort of shark. In addition to not knowing much about fish, I can’t remember crap because I don’t remember what sort of shark it was, only that it was a female. Big Fat Lazy Girl Shark? Nah, that doesn’t sound familiar.

Good thing there wasn’t sushi on the menu, especially eel sushi. I’m not sure I’d have been very hungry for it after seeing the 2 huge, green eels in the tank. They were the freakiest things I ever saw. Lime green, blue eyes, a little hole instead of gills and just freakish looking. Now, every time I go to a Japanese restaurant, I’m going to see those blue eyes staring at me when I eat eel.

I have no clue whether or not the food in this restaurant is any good but the dessert sure was. I had some sort of chocolate pecan pie, which, of course I didn’t pronounce right. (What accent? I don’t have no stinkin’ accent!) Frank had an enormous piece of NY cheesecake (why would one get NY cheesecake in Nashville?), Lou had bread pudding & Bill had some sort of berry cobbler. The only reason there was any left uneaten was because the portions were enormous.

There was some talk, going into the restaurant about whether or not it would smell of fish. It seems last month a woman overheard Lou & Bill talking about this place and she said it was horrible in there, that it smelled like fish. It didn’t. Later, as we were leaving, we wandered into this place that looked like a party place for kids and they had a bunch of stingrays. Now that place smelled. We think the lady went in there instead of the restaurant. Probably ate the sting ray food by mistake, too. Never smelled anything quite like that before. If that’s what sting rays smell like, I don’t think I want one of them as a pet.

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You know how you’re supposed to have different passwords for stuff so if someone figures out your password for one thing, they can’t hack into everything? In theory, that’s a real good idea. In practice - well if you have really bad short term memory, it can cause problems. I couldn’t post a blog entry until now because I’m in Nashville on Frank’s laptop and I couldn’t remember the damn password. Technically it’s not midnight here yet so I do have a Saturday entry now but it probably will show up as Sunday. And it’s all because of a forgotten password.

Another problem - I didn’t bring the cable for my camera so I can’t upload any pictures here yet. Stuff like the mini van that was dressed up for Easter. And, sadly, we have not seen any pick up trucks with plastic (rubber?) testicles yet. Lou swears they exist but I haven’t seen any.

Now wouldn’t you expect the weather in Nashville to be warm in mid April? It is, after all, in the south. They say “ya’ll” and are real friendly and have Southern food but they have not had southern weather. It’s supposed to snow tomorrow. What is that all about? Did they not get the memo that we were visiting here?

I did, however, discover however, discover that I like grits. Not just ordinary grits. Gouda grits. Damn good stuff! And Frankie loved the Grand Olde Opry. Bill got us some good seats, real close but not so close that you got spit on. We saw Vince Gill (but Amy didn’t join him), the Oak Ridge Boys (my favorite was the one who looked like ZZ Tops) and then there was Little Jimmy Dickens who’s probably 95, shorter than we are and had on a jacket that I think I have to buy for Frank for his next birthday. I apologize for the lack of photos but I will get them up when we’re back home.

Stay tuned for more amazing Nashville stories…

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