I can’t remember where I first heard the term “mental pause” but I like it a lot and I plan on using it for the next 10 years or so to describe my mental state.
Due to some weird stuff that’s been going on (I won’t go into the gory details) I have been doing some research on this phenomena they call peri-menopause. For those of you who are male, way too young to know what that is or who live under a rock – it’s the time period before you actually hit menopause. When I was younger and didn’t care about that, I simply thought one day everything just shuts off. It seems that is not the case. Oh, no. It’s much more fun than that.
I was reading up on some of the symptoms, trying to figure out whether or not I am actually in this phase. Let’s take a look at some of the exciting symptoms that may occur:
• Hot Flashes – Nope, don’t get those, although with the weather still thinking it’s winter and not spring, I could save a lot of money on my heating bill if I’d get a hot flash or 2. If anything, I’m getting cold flashes. Does that count? Could my body just be confused and be doing it in reverse?
• Sleep Disruption – Yep, sure got that one. Every morning my sleep is disrupted when the stupid dog barks to go out at 4:30 a.m. I don’t actually get out of bed to take care of him. My darling does. But still, it is rather disruptive, especially for Frank. Does that mean he’s approaching menopause as well?
• Hair Loss – Yes, I do have that. Every 6 weeks or so. Another amazing thing is, it changes color. Whatever gray may be showing suddenly disappears. What I’d really like to see is some hair loss on my legs so I can quit shaving.
• Short-term Memory Impairment – Hmmm… not quite sure on that. I don’t remember. They also mention trouble focusing. Bahahahah! I guess I’ve been peri-menopausal for my entire life if that’s a major symptom! Wait. What was I just talking about?
• Mood Swings – I found it amusing that they also listed “feeling cranky” in that category. Anyone who has ever spent any time with me will attest to the fact that I am a completely calm person. I never lose my temper; never have mood swings. Damn it! What do you mean I’m cranky?! 
As you can see, the results of this are inconclusive.